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Wisteria Cottage

Garrick Lane

Salutations!

May I take this opportunity to wish you a fulfilling year on the boards and may your parts grow in size to the satisfaction of your audience.

I, personally,  am already engaged on an exciting theatrical venture.  New Year’s Eve saw me at something of a loose end. I considered staying up to midnight with a small sherry, but found the proffered televisual entertainment sadly lacking. Gone are the days of Andy Stewart and The White Heather Club. There is something very gratifying about a man in a kilt don’t you think? Instead there was some jazz type with a bizarre name, who kept shouting  ‘Shoot a granny!’ at every opportunity.  It is possible that I could have misheard because I did indulge in more than one amontillado.

Still, be that as it may, the very next morning I received a phone call from Reverend Wilson. My first thought was that he had called to congratulate me on ‘Blithe Spirit’ and beg to be involved in my next production. I was nearly right.  It seems he had indeed missed the smell of the greasepaint and had a little project in mind. Would I like to be involved in ‘Murder in the Cathedral’ to be performed in the local church? Naturally, I jumped at the chance.

For the uininitiated, ‘Murder in the Cathedral’ is not a whodunnit, but the dramatic rendering of the martyrdom of Thomas Becket. In my view, somewhat overwritten, particularly the Christmas sermon  and those townswomen do repeat themselves a great deal. I was mentally reaching for a blue pencil to remove the dross, when the reverend announced that he wanted me to perform not produce. The words ‘Good Lord!’ were out of my mouth before I could stop them.  He said he understood my delight at the prospect of acting without the stress of doing everything else and went on to inform me that he would not only be directing, but that his congregation were set on having him as the sainted Thomas.

In the long silence that followed this announcement, he said that rehearsals would start in a week or so and that he was sure I would make a wonderful peasant.  I was still staring at the phone a good five minutes after he had hung up. My first thought, somewhat uncharitable I confess, was that given his penchant for delivering speeches at breakneck speed the whole debacle would be mercifully short. On reflection, my good nature got the better of me and I decided to accept the role. At least then I could have some positive influence. I will allow him to retain his illusion of authority but make it my business to pass the benefit of my experience to the cast when the opportunity presents itself.  Having decided on this satisfactory course of action, I proceeded to the recycling centre with the sherry bottle in an old plastic bag, thus killing two birds with one stone.

Rest assured, I will keep you abreast of developments.

Yours

Doris Richardson-Hall

These wise words first appeared in Amateur Stage magazine in December 2009 and have been reprinted with permission from Amateur Stage magazine.